so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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