I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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