I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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