Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
