i jhust puked up my retainher.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
