literally had 100 drinks last night.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize