SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize