This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
