Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
