Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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