i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
two words...techno handjob
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
