well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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