Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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