She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My dick has a subreddit
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
