i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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