i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize