we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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