Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
