eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
