Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
