I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
