____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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