i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
