i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
