so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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