I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
