how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize