I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
