my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
