Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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