Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
