i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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