Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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