Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
