Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
