dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
