none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
