Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
