My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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