are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
