I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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