I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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