Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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