I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize