i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
