she told me i tasted like america
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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