Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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