I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
