i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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