put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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