Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
