Me. At least after what I've been through.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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