Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
