i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
