you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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