I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
