So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
