her vagine was all disorganized.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
