can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
