I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize