He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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