I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
