I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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