you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am midnight drunk by noon
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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