how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
