I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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