shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
