I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
